I once had a client ask me “Where do I draw the line? My practice tells me to visualize and see it, feel it, experience it like it’s real...and I can do that and it’s great when I’m there, but how can I be realistic about my abilities and my actual situation?” She was my first ever laughter coaching client, and my first client who much using DNRS, which I had never done myself and didn’t really understand much about. Neuroplasticity and chronic health (never mind the combination of the two) were pretty foreign concepts. This client and I achieved great things in our work together through laughter and coaching, but when it came to questions like this and the reality of her health, I felt way outta my depth - it wasn’t what I was trained in, nor what she had hired me for. Yet this question niggled at me, because I didn’t know what to say. I could feel the inner conflict of wanting to be genuine, but also wanting to create change. I think every coach or helper or even parent can relate to those conversations where you feel helpless in the moment, totally lost for an answer, and some hours, weeks or even years later, you land on something think “Ahhh, THAT’S what I should’ve said!” As this question haunted me well after our work together, I decided some years ago that my best answer to her on that day would’ve been to tell her “be delusional”. Even knowing what I did know that day about the power of our minds, my best advice would have been - “Guide your mind and body to where you want it to be. Eventually it will follow”. Yes - that was the answer! Four years later and going through my own brain retraining, I myself have had similar questions come up in my mind about how I am going to perceive things, do things, talk about things. How can I be genuine about where I am at and also avoid strengthening an Old Overused Pathway? I now believe that the answer lies within each one of us in each moment. We need to choose which pathways, which words, which thoughts and emotions we allow to grow and dwell within us, and keep the unwanted ones to a minimum - 60 seconds or less if possible. If you are teetering on the edge, wondering whether or not to do or say something, asking yourself "What will this achieve?" can help you to decide whether to go there or not. If it will only serve to cause pain, to trigger ITs or cause drama, strengthening a pathway you wish to prune, it's often best to choose another way. Of course being DOSE’d up and focused on the positive will help you to heal. I still 100% stand by the “delusion” (and by that, I mean a strong, strong vision that no one else can see, hear or feel) getting you to where you want. I’d now advise: “Hold the vision and live from it wherever and however you can, bringing it to life bit by bit”. “Thinking greater than you feel” may be wording that is more familiar to you. I’ve seen this stance shift people from being in debt, just starting a business to becoming millionaires. Just by holding the vision and living from it. I've seen it help people to get through the most trying times... just by holding the vision and living from it.
In brain retraining, of course, this can come by default through Incremental training - the small shifts. Mini goals. Mini wins that accumulate, snowball, becoming big and noticeable changes over time. The key is in keeping those steps small and manageable, rather than attempting to take giant leaps... oh, and of course CELEBRATING each step of the way to reinforce that pathway and behavior.
These shifts can also come from our incidental training - catching ourselves in the moment and creating shifts - again, those mini wins that build up and become bigger and more apparent changes when we step back and look at ourselves and our results.
The thing is, without a commitment to our big, juicy, crystal clear vision, this whole process can seem monotonous. We can feel a bit like the scolding school teacher towards ourselves, our bodies or limby. We can feel afraid that we need to control everything and that if we don’t, we’ll be helpless (psst… that’s Limby talking too). Connecting strongly to our vision - one far beyond a healed self is key. Engaging in joy, play, creativity and fun can help us to create new perspectives and to enJOY our healing process and our LIVES.
We can replace rigidity and restriction with flexibility and freedom. We can trade out “control” for conscious choice and creativity. In ELEVATE Brain Retraining 2.0, Lindsay Mitchell (Founder of Vital-Side) and I help brain retainers to reconnect to joy, play and creativity. We help them to shift unconscious barriers and beliefs, to reconnect to their authentic, passionate selves and find their voice within that. We help them to embody their best selves and retrain in a unique way that best suits their learning style, lifestyle and preferences, because while brain retraining practices can work for most, a one-size-fits-all approach doesn’t allow for the fact that we are all different. In ELEVATE we teach you how to meet resistance in new ways, to incrementally train in a way that sets you up to win and we rewire with some heavy and limiting emotions like shame, blame, guilt and unforgiveness, helping retainers to find new levels of freedom as they heal and thrive.
Next Friday is the last day to join the September cohort of ELEVATE - find out more here. If you’re reading this past Sept 2021, go here to find out when you can next enrol.
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ELEVATE Brain retraining 2.0 Want to refresh your brain retraining practice, uncover the essence of you and start living into dreams and goals as you rewire? Elevate Brain Retraining 2.0 is a six week program I created with Lindsay Mitchell (founder of Vital-Side) to help brain retrainers to boost and bolster their brain retraining practice. Find out more or get started here. Youtube You can laugh along with my videos any day, any time on my Youtube channel Join me for my 7 day "Start Your Day Shining" Challenge here.
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