Self Love is Action
I’m on a journey. It’s a self love journey, a discovery of becoming my truest self. I’ve learned over the years that many of us think we love ourself, or we try to convince ourself we love ourself, or we even think our actions toward ourself are loving, yet the irony is that often at the very same time we are actually disgusted with ourself, judging ourself, resisting ourself, sick of ourself, embarrassed by ourself, and making many choices that are incredibly unloving toward our SELF. It isn’t until later, we realize that this is all because the “self” we are resisting, hating, judging... is not actually our true self, but the layers upon layers of programs and conditioning that we have been expressing. They are simply parts of us, though not our true essence. As we embark on this journey of self love we begin to understand that while self love emerges through an often indescribable deep compassionate feeling, it is expressed through ACTION. Why is that? Because…
LOVE IS A VERB.
This self love series I am taking you on a journey along with me on how I discovered, or rather, am still discovering, how to SHOW UP for myself truly, and how to turn desired feelings of love into action.
How can we act in love everyday for ourselves?
I believe love is a choice, or let’s say a collection of daily decisions. These decisions aren’t always easy, but they are worth it. Sometimes (as many of us know) choosing to stay in (acts of) love is the harder choice, but we are ALL worthy of a life of abundant love felt, expressed, and experienced.
While I believe that our self love journey is a life long journey, I can recall specifically two major points in my life that were huge shifting points for me in this journey.
I wonder if you can recall any shifting points for you as well?
For me, the first was the moment when I had this major epiphany, realizing I wasn’t really loving myself, quite opposite actually, I was actually really really mean to myself. Lucky for me a great friend really helped bring this clarity into my life. When it became clear how harsh I actually was in was in this moment that a strong desire was born to make a shift. However, at this point it was still more of a feeling sense.
The second shifting point was when I began to understand that to actually love myself meant to take action, to show up for myself, and to act in love toward myself.
Much later, around the time of my ‘perfect storm’ I began to understand that not all action was created equal. It was then that I began to understand that what mattered more than the action itself was the driving force, desires & goals behind the actions. In other words, the true reasons that drove my actions.
What do I mean by this?
Well my first understanding of how I was attempting to love myself was very conditional. I will love you IF you weigh this much, or look this way, feel this way or are doing these things, and this list of IFs went on and on.
This is where I started realizing I wanted to love myself unconditionally, However I now know I was still meeting myself everyday with conditions. In my quest to feel good and learn to love myself, I thought love followed a set of rules. So I went down a long path of doing all these different things for myself that I thought were loving… only to realize much later after my ‘perfect storm’ that these actions weren’t love at all. Why? Well, because of the driving force and emotions behind the actions. Had I become rigid and restrictive out of genuine love or fear? I learned it was actually FEAR that drove almost all of my actions.
It was only much later down the road that I started to really grasp this understanding of unconditional love a verb, with actions driven by love. I decided to pursue dreams I had been holding onto for far too long, as well as begin a journey of un-disciplining. Sounds funny right? So many people are usually learning how to be more disciplined, but I think some of us actually need to learn the opposite. I decided to release the rigidity in my life. I decided to let go of my strict ways. And I have to say that it was only through this experience of releasing my strict & rigid ways, was I finally able to choose to be disciplined from a truly unconditional place of love that was authentically aligned to my truth.
The outcome? I truly do not believe I would have ever been able to approach DNRS from a place of LOVE if I hadn’t had these other experiences first. IF I had found DNRS at an earlier period of my life I think I would have went into it with a different driving force, of fear. I would have probably used the tools as another mechanism of measuring my good enough. However, because of this quest for understanding what it means to truly love myself as a verb, I feel I was able to approach DNRS with more grace and ease. The universe was just getting me ready. And I believe it always all happens in perfect timing.
How do you approach your rewiring experience? Is it from desire? Worthiness? Loving kindness? Grace? Gratitude?…
OR is there a driving force of fear? Guilt? Shame? Perfectionism? Judgement?
I have definitely experienced both ends of the spectrum, and grateful I am able to bounce back into the former more often then not. Although I feel so blessed to have embarked into this self love exploration prior to DNRS - which I know has been a huge catalyst to help me through this rewiring experience, I am still flawed, far from perfect, and I still default back into my old thought/habit patterns. I still have moments I notice the fear or judgement or worry arise. Yet, it is in these moments I now have a choice. This is a choice to remind myself that those thoughts are not my truth, and remember that I can shift back into an approach of love and faith.
I have come to realize that my commitment to my rounds and/or other rewiring modalities comes from such a place of joy and blessings. This helps me to reframe and realize that I don’t choose to do them in fear, rather from a place of pure love and worthiness, remembering how blessed I am to have these wonderful tools to support me on this adventure and that it is simply an act of love when choosing to use them.
IF you still find yourself approaching your rewiring practice from fear or judgement, or with perfection tendencies, what could you do today to shift this experience for yourself into love and kindness?
Something I have found works really well for me is every night before bed when that negativity bias wants to kick in and belittle me for what I didn’t do good enough, I like to interpret that voice and say “thank you but that is not true, actually I did so many wonderful things for me today,” and then I recount all the wonderful acts of love I gave myself for the day and tell myself great job!
Do you tell yourself great job everyday? Pat your own back? Give yourself a hug? Give yourself grace?
I think the biggest shift in my thought that is helping me on this journey is to trust in divine timing, to trust that the Universe is conspiring for my greatest good, and knowing that I am right on time, I am exactly where I am meant to be in this moment, and I am on the right path.
IF you sat back and reflected on how you approach your rewiring practice, do you feel confident it comes from true love? Do you find that as time goes on you are remembering the truth of who you are? And, not only remembering, but able to embody this truth, free of guilt, shame or fear? Do you feel in love with YOU? Do you act in love for yourself?
What does it mean to love YOU more? What does it feel like? Look like? Remember love is a verb. And you are 100% worth a life of unconditional love from yourself. Xoxoxox <3
Chazmith has been doing brain retraining for 20 months April 3rd. Whoooo hoooo!
She is also the creator of a podcast called Our Power Is Within, which is a podcast to inspire people to take their power back and help people to realize that each and every one of us has a healer within our own self. When we can create an environment that supports healing and get out of our own way, we are truly capable of healing in mind, body & soul. The podcast features a combination of healing testimonials as well as insight and advice from various experts in all things healing.
She is extremely passionate about movement and all things movement related. She is currently offering free weekly movement classes through a WhatsApp group that are designed for fellow brain retrainers (or anyone who is on their healing/becoming journey to help people establish new and uplifting associations with movement while also creating a positive relationship with their bodies. You can can find more information about this offering and request to join the WhatsApp group on her website.