There is this quote that I adore by author, Bob Goff in his Love Does book, “I used to want to fix people, but now I just want to be with them.” Many years ago the I first read this book, this quote really sunk into my heart. After spending years as a coach in some capacity always focused on how I can fix people, and realizing how very often I was so outwardly focused on how I could do that for even family, friends, and signifiant others. It was almost perfect timing, as I began my quest on my self love journey I gave myself permission to stop worrying about fixing anyone else and to focus on myself. And, at the time it was quite a relief, however, it only became more obvious how much I was always trying to also fix myself, especially when I didn’t have anyone else to focus on anymore. It is as though my need to fix me increased tenfold. As I mentioned In my last blog, I had to spend what would become many years always trying to fix something to only figure out much later in my journey that I am not broken and I don’t need fixed (and ps...neither do you). I just needed to be with me, or another way to look at this was, I, like everyone else, just needed to be loved. So now I say keep this modified quote near and dear to my heart “I used to want to fix me, but now I just want to love all of me.”
Can you think of ALL the ways you have wanted to fix yourself over your lifetime? Have you ever heard these monologues running through your mind?
“I’m not skinny enough, pretty enough, fast enough, fit enough, strong enough, funny enough, spiritual enough, healthy enough, smart enough, sensitive enough, mentally tough enough, fill in the blank enough. OR, I am too much, or I am not doing this job good enough, or this healing program good enough, or I’m not good enough at being a mom, or a dog mom, or a sister or a daughter. I am always falling short. I must being doing something wrong!!! Maybe I just need to do more -more -more…. Why isn’t this working?!?!?! What am I doing wrong… I must be doing something wrong. If I could only…… A,B,C …. & X,Y,Z…”
Does any of this sound familiar in your life? IF not I applaud you for you are a lucky one …because I know that if there is anything in this life time that I am not alone in … it is in the quest to feel whole and complete and enough exactly as we are. As the collective human species many of us struggle with the inferiority complex, with fear that we are not enough in some way, and that we are broken, and need fixed.
THIS IS SIMPLY NOT TRUE. This is so incredibly far from true. Please know that if you have ever felt this way - you are not alone. You are human. And, you are enough, and I mean like all of the enough-noughs!! You are not broken either. You do not need fixed.
Does this mean there is no room for growth or healing? Absolutely not. But just like my last blog post, growth is more lasting, more pure when it comes from and through a place of love, not hate. I have read and learned in my past that any strong emotion can fuel change. And while, yes, this is true, hate can fuel change; however, in my experience both as a coach observing hundreds of people and through my own personal experience, this type of change that is fueled by hate is rarely lasting or truly beneficial. It always comes with consequences. There is usually some deeper level sacrifice. Why fuel change through hate, resisting what is, when we can accept what is, and trust that we are worthy of expanding & transforming, or as I prefer to call it becoming?
One of my favorite thought leaders, Preston Smiles, once said,
“We are complete but not finished.”
This has always sat really well with me. To be complete means to be whole, while not finished means there is room for expansion and growth (until our last breath). In this effort to expand our minds, bodies and souls from a place of love, I believe that there is no limit. Love has no bounds. Love is all there ever was, is, or will be. Can I love me enough to be curious, to ask questions, to seek expansion. Can I love me enough to meet myself where I am at today, accepting what is, and committing to myself to make choices and actions that are loving, and support me to achieve the life of my dreams, to meet my goals, and align to my truth?
Can I love me enough to do the hard things? To smile even if I didn’t feel happy in the moment? To laugh when nothing is funny? To sit and commit to daily disciplines even when my Limbic system tries to talk me out of it? To trust my intuition when it starts to speak? And most importantly to discern and know the difference between limbic brain and intuitive nudges as I evolve? To remind myself every damn day that I am enough?
In what ways do you still see yourself as broken? In what ways do you still try to fix yourself? In what ways are you not feeling complete?
Rather then fixing yourself could you reframe your mindset and begin to see how you are simply acting in loving ways toward yourself? In what ways could you begin to embrace completeness while also creating space for expansion, and creating, becoming, and allowing the best version of who you already are?
Chazmith has been doing brain retraining for 21 months May 3rd. Whoooo hoooo!
She is also the creator of a podcast called Our Power Is Within, which is a podcast to inspire people to take their power back and help people to realize that each and every one of us has a healer within our own self. When we can create an environment that supports healing and get out of our own way, we are truly capable of healing in mind, body & soul. The podcast features a combination of healing testimonials as well as insight and advice from various experts in all things healing.
She is extremely passionate about movement and all things movement related. She is currently offering free weekly movement classes through a WhatsApp group that are designed for fellow brain retrainers (or anyone who is on their healing/becoming journey to help people establish new and uplifting associations with movement while also creating a positive relationship with their bodies. You can can find more information about this offering and request to join the WhatsApp group on her website.