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Dear Candy Q & A: Hope and Commitment

During the silent meditation retreat I recently attended we were given some beautiful pieces of wisdom. Today I will share with you some these pieces and my subsequent insights, as they are so relevant to brain retraining and increasing quality of life.

First, life moves forward on commitment. This is how change happens. It is through our commitment to our practices each and every day that lead to changes in our wellbeing. We can renew that commitment every morning when we wake up. How yesterday went is no longer relevant. It is what we do in the present, the here and now, that counts. Commit and keep committing. If we go by our feelings rather than our commitment, it is far more likely that we will not consistently follow through. Feelings often change and can get in the way if we let them. Take a moment to think about what is important to you and what you are committed to (or willing to commit to) to move you forward in your life. Consider renewing that commitment upon waking each morning.


Second, it is our resistance to what is that keeps us feeling stuck. When we fight against what we don't want, we give energy and importance to what we are fighting. This inevitably makes it harder for changes to happen. If we accept the situation and/or ourselves as we are, we stop feeding into what we are fighting. This allows changes to start to happen naturally, and it frees up our energy to be put towards what we want instead. One of the ways to help us increase acceptance is to recognize that even if this situation doesn't change immediately, the sun will still come up tomorrow, people will still go about their lives. The world isn't going to end if this continues (even if it is uncomfortable and we would prefer that it didn't). This helps us to shift to a bigger picture perspective and perhaps makes a little more space to let go. If it is still really difficult because it is really important to you, consider practicing acceptance for a short period of time. Here's an example of what that might look like: "For the next three days, I am not going to fight with where I am at. So what if I feel/experience_____? I am going to give my attention and focus instead to the things I want to do and the feelings I want to grow."

And finally, I was reminded of the power of hope. Hope can move mountains. It is what keeps us going when things are difficult and also what sustains us in the good times. If we had no hope we wouldn't be trying to get better or improve our lives, so everyone doing retraining has hope at least to some degree. It's time to access those feelings and begin to grow them. Accessing the feelings associated with hope brings with them powerful neurochemistry to help uplift you and to reinforce the healthier neural pathways. One of the meditations we did in the retreat was connecting to the feeling of hope without attaching it to an outcome. The questions were posed, "What if the universe/divine has something even bigger and better in store for you beyond what you are hoping for? Can you let go of your attachment to a particular outcome and instead simply connect to the feeling of hope and be open to the possibilities?" I highly encourage you to try doing this meditation - invoke the feeling of hope without attaching it to an outcome. It is a powerful exercise.


Wishing you the very best of 2023!


Until next time!


If you have a question, please email me at dearcandyquestions@gmail.com

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Candy Widdifield is Registered Clinical Counsellor, Wellness Coach, and Registered Reiki Master Teacher in Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada. She has a background in nervous system regulation, trauma, grief & loss, mindfulness, somatic therapy, & positive psychology. She taught the DNRS in-person program for 5 years, has over a decade of experience coaching brain re-trainers & provides mentorship to other coaches. Candy works with people all over the world, helping them to optimize their wellbeing and thrive in their lives. More information about Candy can be found at www.candywiddifield.com


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